Steve worked as a a graphic designer/art director for the past 15 years at a top notch firm in Seattle. He was blessed to work in a field that he enjoys and that always presented new challenges, working with tiny start-ups all the way to bigger national clients, doing projects like logos, posters, web sites, packaging, advertising, merchandising and even some video.

But there was a problem.

Steve’s job was VERY demanding, and he was tied to an office away from his family most of the week. His wife was feeling very isolated from her husband, raising the kids and running the home without his input or leadership much of the time. And their marriage wasn’t doing so well either.

Steve and I emailed back and forth about this.

After much prayer and discussion with his wife, Steve took a very courageous step. He gave notice to his employer that he would be leaving his very secure, well-paying job. This happened last year in 2010 by the way… not the rosiest of times in our economy.

I reconnected with Steve recently and asked him how things were going with his work, and more importantly his family.

Steve spent a short time freelancing after leaving his job. Then, an old client asked him to take a position at their company that is a leader in their industry.

Today Steve drives to an office very close to his home, is able to eat lunch with his family every day, enjoys 3-day weekends, and has much less work-related stress.

His marriage and his family are doing much better too. In Steve’s words, “God has really provided for our family in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. My connection with my wife has been better than it ever has in our 16 years of marriage. Wished I had acted sooner.”

That’s what keeps many of us dads from stepping up for our family. Fear of lack of provision. But Scripture tells us…

“Trust in YHUH with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all Your Ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” -Prov 3:5-6

We must trust our Heavenly Father for our provision — not our work. He will make our paths straight as we trust Him with all our hearts. That doesn’t mean we just quit a job we don’t like, but that we are led by Him and trust Him, rather than the false security of money.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey, a fellow Family Dad

PS – Last day today to save over 50% on the best coaching program I know for dads who want weekly training by a fellow dad who is highly skilled in many proven strategies for leveraging your time, working smarter, and generating more income. I am personally enrolled in this program and highly recommend it. Details

This can quickly begin a cycle of strife and stress that will not be resolved until root issues causing the division are dealt with.

Much marriage division is the result of DI-vision. That is, two visions. My vision is different from my spouse’s vision. I see things from one perspective, and she sees them from another. I place greater importance on certain things, while she places higher importance on others.

I have found that talking things through, thinking aloud together, and trying not to be overly defensive with “my position” can help. I need to share *why* I feel a certain way about a matter, while my wife tries to see things from my perspective. And she needs to share while I listen and try to see things from her perspective.

Even doing this may not resolve differences in one conversation, but then again it might. And it’s worth doing.

We also need to pray and seek Divine guidance in the areas of our division.

There may be fears, insecurities, or other areas of sin that need to be confessed and corrected.

It may help to get together with another couple we both respect and share with them the challenges we are facing in our marriage.

Finally, we husbands are instructed to honor our wives:

“You husbands live with [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel…” -I Peter 3:7

If your marriage is challenging right now, is there any way in which you are not honoring your wife? Are you giving her the value that is due her as a woman and as a more fragile vessel?

Blessings on your marriage,
Joey

Improve Your Marriage While You Drive – See our Top Recommended Marriage Audiobook

Maybe its because I always procrastinate and do my taxes just before the deadline. Or maybe because my wife’s birthday is in April and birthdays are significant planning celebrations in our family. Or maybe because its spring gardening season and we’ve planted our biggest garden ever. Or maybe because our little newborn has been helping me appreciate the value of sleep these past few weeks.

But in all this dad’s busy-ness, I have to confess that I’ve neglected something very important:

** Spending one-on-one time with my wife. **

She needs this more often than I typically realize.

She needs me to be with her at times without the kids clamoring around.

She needs regular doses of my undivided attention, looking her in the eyes, and engaging in ongoing meaningful conversation.

She needs my affection. In a purely affectionate, tender way.

She needs me to spend time praying together with her. And discussing her spiritual walk and mine.

I see where I’ve dropped the ball with my wife, so I’m doing something about it… starting tonight.

I’m picking her up at 4:30pm sharp and the rest of the day is blocked off just for her. And I’m putting this on my schedule for the weeks ahead.

How about your marriage?

Is your wife needing “more of you?”

Your marriage is the second most important aspect in your life — second only to your relationship with your Creator. It’s more important than your work. It’s more important that your church involvement, your “ministry” endeavors, your charity efforts, your hobbies, and also more important than your kids!

Yes, it really is. So let’s continue to keep our wives a top priority.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life…” Eccl 9:9

Recommended Marriage Resources For Dads
Love and War by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge
Two Fleas and No Dog by Craig Hill
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches
Walking Worthy As A Husband by Norm Wakefield

And being a super busy dad is one of the gravest dangers to our families.

Something about being super busy, especially with our work, makes us feel productive, successful, a sense of accomplishment, purposeful.

To us, that is.

But not in the eyes of our children.

On more than one occassion, I am sad to admit that I have heard my oldest son scolding his younger sister or brother for interrupting when I’m busy working at my desk.

“Dad’s busy. Leave him alone.”

Oh how those words have cut to my heart like a knife. If there is one thing I don’t want my children to have memories of their father is that he was too busy for them.

If we are too busy with work to spend loads of time with our wife and children every week, then we are too busy — no excuses.

And the fallout down the road will be painful. Our spouse and children will look to other people or other things to fill the void that a husband and father’s love was meant for.

You are the only person on this earth that can meet that deep need your wife and children have. The need for their husband/father’s love expressed through his time with them.

Like a broken record, I will repeat it again…

We must show our love to our family by the time we personally spend interacting with each of them. Each week.

So from one super busy dad to another, let something go at work until next week. Keep one more thing “not crossed off” on your to-do list.

And go spend some more time with your wife and children.

You won’t regret it.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Host of FamilyDads.com

P.S. – Having to practice what I preach, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon in the large field behind our house picking wild mushrooms the size of potatoes and having a “war” throwing them long distances at my children. Each time one hit the ground, my kids burst out laughing at the explosion it made. We followed that up with throwing a frisbee together for quite a while. They loved our time together, and so did this dad!

P.P.S. – What did you think about the US mid-term election results? Will we see more pro-family legislation in the months ahead?  Post your comments at our FamilyDads Facebook page.

In my family, we have 4 very active children, a fifth one on the way, a family-run business, a ministry, a mini-farm, and we homeschool.

Finding time to spend alone with my wife is a bit, um… challenging.

Yet I know for an absolute fact that the times I take her out on dates and give her my complete, undivided attention mean more to her — and to our marriage — than almost anything else I could do.

I know this because she has told me so… more than once.

All the flowers, chocolate, jewelry, movies, or anything else I “buy” for her don’t even come close to the love she feels from me when I simply give her my time and focused attention. It makes her feel valued and cherished by me.

One of our best dates was exactly like this. Here are my wife’s own words:

“This is what I can tell you from my heart. I will always remember our date on a cold winter night.”

“Rather than getting desert at the restaurant and rushing off to see a movie, our going to the quiet, empty eating area of a local supermarket was one of the best dates I’ve ever had with you.”

“It was so much better than any flowers or anything you personally could have bought me.  With your work at such a hectic pace in your life, it was like you took the time to stop and focus on me.”

“More than anything, what I really long for is your time and focused attention. I wasn’t sure what you were slipping out of your pocket with a pen in your hand. I thought you were going to share another one of your entrepreneurial ideas or business strategies.”

“It was the coolest thing for you to actually start asking me personal questions.  It was as though my heart began to melt and by the end of our date night I was laughing and holding your hand.”

“One of my favorite books that you own is the my wife journal.  Thank you for keeping it in a private place and guarding what I shared with you. Thank you for making our time together conversational and when I asked you the same questions, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.”

“Thank you for dazzling me with something more beautiful than diamonds and much more significant than flowers!”

I can’t tell you enough how much my wife appreciated this date. I hope this encourages you in your marriage to set regular times to stop and give your wife your undivided attention and conversation.

(The book she mentioned is called My Wife Journal and is highly recommend no matter how long you’ve been married.)

Abundant blessings,

Joey, FamilyDads.com host

In honor of the occasion, I thought I would pass along my “Top 10″ list of things you probably shouldn’t buy your wife as an anniversary gift. Not that I have bought any of these for my wife, but just so you know.

Here they are — Top 10 Things NOT To Buy Your Wife As An Anniversary Gift

10. Power Yard Tools (chainsaw, leaf blower, edger, etc.)

9. Computer memory

8. Gift Card to the local grocery store

7. Vacuum Cleaner bags

6. Gym Membership

5. Underarm Deodorant

4. Weight-Loss or Diet book

3. Furnace Filters

2. Laundry Basket

and coming in at #1…

1. A Television Remote

No, you don’t have to thank me for these valuable tips.

Got one to add to this list? Post it below.

Have a great week!

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Husband, Dad, and Host of FamilyDads.com

P.S. – The best date I ever took my wife on, according to her own words, involved this little brown book.

NO, not Super Bowl Sunday… the one after that.

Valentines DAY!

Got plans for the big day of romance with your special woman?

I personally don’t like the idea of focusing just one day out of the year on romancing our wives. It should be something we family dads naturally WANT to do on a very regular basis.

But the busy-ness of work, family, and every other demand on our time and energy can sometimes drag us into a “rut” or take the edge off our romantic creativity and planning.

So here are some ideas I came up with to help you express your love to her if you need a little help. But the important thing is to communicate to our wives, in our own unique way, just how important she is to us, how much we love her, and that we enjoy, desire, and cherish her.

1) Go for a leisurely drive in the countryside and just talk and enjoy the scenery together. Pack a picnic lunch or early dinner and look for a spot to share the meal together. (Hint: don’t have her prepare all the food for the picnic.)

2) Send all the kids downstairs to watch a movie, and then go for a long walk, hand-in-hand, with your gal, sharing with each other whatever she would like to talk about.

3) Write love notes to her and put them in all the places she will be that day… the nightstand, the sock drawer, the bathroom mirror, the fridge, her seat in the car (or minivan), and so on.

4) Organize something fun with your kids so that all of you can express your love for mom together. Let your children give input until you come up with something fun and meaningful together.

5) Have an extended time of praying together alone with your wife. Perhaps at the beginning of the day. Pray for your marriage, your children, your finances, your future, other people, and anything else God leads you to pray about. Let this time be unhurried and Spirit-led — not a laundry list to pray through.

6) Read a great marriage book together out loud, or at least several chapters, such as Love & War by John and Stasi Eldredge, Two Fleas and No Dog by Craig Hill, or Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

7) Forbid your wife to enter the kitchen all day long, and do all the dishes yourself or with your children helping.

If you’re really courageous, take some time to ask her what you can do to make your marriage better and then listen, carefully and undefensively, to what she tells you. Be sensitive not to get into a verbal fight over this! Don’t try to defend yourself but allow this time to be constructive for your marriage.

9) Do the “get-the-kids-to-bed” routine yourself while your wife takes a relaxing bubble bath accompanied by her favorite music.

10) End the night by candlelight and some physical romance. No commentary needed!

Since our wives are incredibly valuable and meaningful to us, let’s take advantage of this opportunity to intentionally and proactively express our deep love for them this Valentines Day.

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

Improving Your Marriage

Books don’t transform marriages, but the stories and insights of well-written books on marriage can open up the heart of the reader. And the heart is where change takes place. While there are many excellent marriage resources on the market, I personally recommend several books for us family dads to read. To see which ones they are, check out the marriage category at DadResources.com.

“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” 1 Peter 3:7

Now, I used to think that meant we were to understand our wives — know how they think and respond appropriately with our actions. But after twelve years of marriage, let me share with you a story that illustrates rather vividly why “understanding our wives” cannot possibly be the correct interpretation of this verse.

It had been a long night. We didn’t get to bed until after midnight, and then our six-month old awoke around 1am hungry. About every 2 hours thereafter, my wife arose from her sleep to nurse him. She didn’t get much sleep that night.

The next day was our weekly grocery shopping day which we do together as a family. The entire process takes up almost half our day.

By about 5pm that day, my wife told me that she really needed to take a nap and asked if I could hold our fussy baby so she could sleep. Being the sensitive, loving guy that I am, I said “sure!” and took him from her while I finished up checking my email and a few other online tasks for the day.

That’s when I had a brilliant idea… or so I thought!

I proceeded to quietly load up our four kids in the car and took them all out — away from the house — so my wife could get a nice long quiet nap in. I even wrote her a note telling her of my actions and to call me when she woke up.

What a considerate guy! So far so good, right??!

Wrong!  I returned home about 2 hours later to a note that informed me my wife had spent much of the time of our absence in frustration and tears. HUH???

I won’t try to explain, but let’s just stay I was in a “no-win” situation. Had I stayed home with the kids, they would have inevitably prevented her from the nap she so desperately needed. And she would have not been happy. But by taking them out and leaving for a while, she cried because she missed her family and wanted to be with us.

In the end, no harm was done and we all enjoyed family dinner together and a good end to the day.

But I gotta tell you… from one dad to another — “Don’t try to figure your wife out!”

Yes, love her. Yes, be kind and considerate to her. Yes, give her your time, your ear, your muscles, your attention, your affection, and more.

But live with your wife with this understanding: you don’t really have her “figured out,” especially if you think you do.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – I Peter 3:7 is really an excellent verse for us husbands; but the point of this email was to share my story and debunk a common myth. In a different email, we’ll explore what this verse is really teaching.

P.P.S. – Need help with your marriage? Check out the marriage category at DadResources.com

Tim Hawkins is a Christian, a comedian, and a Family Dad who is married with 4 kids of his own. In this music video, Tim Hawkins carefully shares with us, using his acoustic guitar, a number of important things we men should never say to our wives. Be sure to have a pen and paper handy as you watch this video so you can jot down important reminders to yourself. Because if you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life, these are the things you don’t say to your wife. And be sure to leave a comment with your own confessions of things you’ve said to your wife that should have never come out of your mouth… to advise the rest of us!

Tim Hawkins: The Wife Song – Things You Don’t Say To Your Wife

The Wife Song is on Tim Hawkins DVD called Full Range of Motion.

Check out all of the Tim Hawkins Comedy DVD Videos at DadResources.com Tim gives hours of laughs for both parents and children – fun for the whole family!

If you follow the news, you know I’m referring to South Carolina’s governor, Mark Sanford.

If that wasn’t enough, the event happened over Father’s Day.

Married to his wife Jenny for 20 years — yes twenty — Mark is yet another example of our vulnerability as men in the area of sexual temptation.

Last year, I wrote about then-governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, a husband and father of three daughters, who was publicly exposed for involvement with a woman who was not his wife.

These men’s appetites for sensual pleasure controlled their hearts to the point that it ultimately resulted in acting out their thoughts and fantasies for a brief episode of physical pleasure at the expense of their family.

They betrayed their wives… their children… their grand-children… and more.

This area of temptation probably trips up more dads than any other single issue. Why? Because it is so attractive, so alluring, so provocative, so accessible, and so seemingly easy to keep secret.

Dad, maybe you’re not governor of a state. It doesn’t matter. Whether or not you have public leadership obligations, know this…

Our families are DEPENDING on our loyalty.

Our wives are DEPENDING on our faithfulness.

Our children are DEPENDING on our integrity.

They need our loyalty, faithfulness, and integrity, whether they express it to us or not.

Unfaithful behavior has repercussions that are NOT limited to you alone. They touch many areas of your life… your relationship with God, your wife, your children, friends, co-workers, work productivity, leadership status, finances, and more.

If you struggle in this area of temptation and have not shared it with another man whom you trust for accountability, you need to take that first step.

Find another man or small group of men with whom you can meet regularly to expose your heart, your thoughts, and your actions. Someone you trust enough to share honestly with.

Use Internet accountability software to protect your marriage and setup your wife as your accountability partner to view your Internet viewing daily reports.

In this day and age of “anything goes” morals, we must be loyal to our family with our eyes, our thoughts, our actions… our hearts.

Remember this strategy each time you are tempted: “What I feed grows; what I starve dies.”

Let us also remember to pray for Mark and Jenny Sanford and their four boys during this time.

“Let not immorality be heard of among you.”  ~Ephesians 5:3

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

Internet Accountability Software

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