How is your *emotional* relationship with each of your children?

Huh?!

I had to give this some thought myself when my wife first brought up the subject to me. You see, it is one thing to spend time with our children, to physically be there in their presence. But just being in the same house or same room with a son or daughter does not mean we are building relationship with them.

A few examples might communicate this better:

Watching tv or a movie together with your son is not really building emotional relationship with him. You are both individually engaged in the activity, but are not interacting.

Taking a nap on your daughter’s bed while she plays with dolls on the floor beside you is not building emotional relationship with her.

Building emotional relationship involves interaction and communication. It involves talking. It is connecting with our sons and daughters at a heart to heart level.

Taking your son to an interactive event or doing an activity together or teaching him a skill or sitting down to talk about a subject are ways to do this. Taking your daughter out to dinner at her favorite restaurant and a casual walk-and-talk afterwards can build emotional relationship with her.

As men, we must be very intentional with talking and engaging our children in sharing their hearts with us. They *need* this from us. They *want* this with us. They LONG for it.

I’m not perfect in this. I have a lot of ground to make up with my children. But it won’t happen if I am not intentional.

Our wives are generally “better” at building emotional relationship with our children than we guys are, so here’s a tip: Get your wife’s input on this topic! And let her be an ongoing “gauge” to give you feedback on how you’re doing with each of your children.

How about you? I’d like to hear your thoughts or comments on this topic or questions you may have. Please post them below.

Let’s make this Father’s Day weekend an opportunity to build emotional relationship with our children — and our spouse.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

A few months ago, we moved 1,200 miles away from our 15-acre farm in rural Tennessee to the bustling pace of city life in metro central Florida.

As if that wasn’t enough change, I also began working for a company that now takes me away from home all day except for lunch hour. Previously I worked in my office at my home and was accessible to my wife and children throughout the day.

These factors have brought major change to our family, created stress, and challenged my marriage and family.

Without going into details, let me just say that this period of transition has given me many opportunities to practice what I preach as a family dad.

Do I really put my family above my work? Am I really willing to put hobbies, ministry, and pretty much everything else below family with my schedule? Is my marriage really worth the effort?

And these questions truly are a big part of the core message I’ve been sharing for over 4 years now. A message to prioritize our wife and our family. A message to take proactive leadership of our family. A message to be strategic, and not just reactive. Nor passive.

For me in this new season, it means spending time with my family in the mornings, eating breakfast together before work, being with my children as they do their morning chores before school. And having conversation together as a family.

It means taking walks with my wife in the evenings. Taking her out for dinner regularly to just spend time together as a couple and let her “unload” without the kids around.

It means reading Scripture together as a family at nights. Helping with getting the younger kids to bed. Talking with my older kids about their day — and listening. And verbally blessing my wife and children.

How about you, fellow dad? Any transition happening in your life? Any adjustments you need to make to your schedule and actions?

It’s so easy for us dads to just get “wrapped up” in work and other stuff. But our wives are more “fragile” than we men are and can only put up with so much from us.

And we only have a window of time to shape our children during their childhood while they are still home living with us. We only get one shot with our massive influence as fathers.

I want to do it right, don’t you?

3 thoughts quickly filled my mind.

30 years from now, my dad will be gone.

I will be at the same stage of life my dad is now.

And my oldest son will be my age — likely with a family of his own.

It begged several questions in my mind:

“What will it be like not having my dad around?”

“When I am his age looking back, will I be pleased with how my life turned out?”

“What am I doing to prepare my sons for their journey ahead as men, husbands, and fathers?”

Sure, they’re just kids now. And 30 years is a long time — or is it?

I believe it’s very healthy to contemplate the future. As leaders of our families, we dads must have vision. We must have plans to turn our vision into reality. And we must have perseverance and discipline to be consistent and proactive in leading our families.

Here’s an example to illustrate this.

One of my highest priorities for my children is that they have a strong knowledge and love of Scripture when they are adults. That’s part of my vision for them.

So we read Scripture together. As a family. Often. Each of our children (who are old enough to read) has their own copy of Scripture. We have “Scripture Reading Time” several times a week (my goal is daily.) We all sit together in our family room in a circle or around our dining room table. I start and we go around the room taking turns reading. I give commentary and we discuss what we read along the way. It’s a great way for them to build communication skills, but more importantly to discuss and absorb Scripture from their father. From their father – the one who was divinely given the greatest influence in their lives.

We’re also working on memorizing Scriptures together as a family, learning to hide it in our hearts (Psalm 119:11) and meditate upon it (Psalm 1:2).

This is just one example of how vision becomes reality, and I’d love to hear what visions you have for your family and what you are doing to see them come to pass. So please post your comments below, and let’s learn from one another.

And always remember…

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow let us go into this city and spend a year there, trade and make a profit.’ Whereas you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For what is your life? You are like a thin mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” -YA’acob 4:13-14 (called James in modern Bibles)

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
A fellow Family Dad

At about 5 feet off the ground at its highest point, this “rainbow tree” as we’ve named it makes a perfect athletic challenge for my kids who love to climb on it.

My eight-year-old son made his way to the highest part of the sideways trunk and proudly asked me…. “Dad, is this dangerous?”

Without hesitation, I *almost* replied… “No, not really. It’s not that high.”

But then, I had a slight impression to mentally probe a little deeper into the motive behind his question. What was he really asking me?

“Dad, am **I** dangerous?” “Dad, do I have what it takes to be a man?” “Dad, as my father, as the man I most look up to, respect, and admire at this stage of my life, do you affirm me?”

Before me was an opportunity to either casually ignore my son’s inquisition about his growth toward manhood, or to build him up in it.

“Yes, son. That IS dangerous. Be careful!” came out of my mouth instead.

And so, with a smile back at me, my son continued to conquer the sideways rainbow tree, beaming at the thought of how “dangerous” he was. In a good way.

Application for me as a dad: Always consider my words when interacting with my children. Never be flippant in my responses to them. Sometimes, probably more often than not, there is more “below the surface” to their questions. When giving answers, look for ways to affirm, validate, and communicate to my children that I love them deeply and respect them as individuals.

For daughters, the questions may come out more like… “Am I pretty?” “Can you spend time with me?” “Can we do something together?” For she is looking for affirmation from her father of both her outward AND inward beauty. And she wants to know that you treasure her and desire to pursue relationship with her.

And remember… this applies to our children at any age.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – One of the most impactful interviews I’ve ever heard on this topic of validating our sons and daughters as their fathers was this video interview with John Eldredge. It’s a MUST-WATCH!

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When I was younger, I really had no interest in history. I just thought it was boring and irrelevant to modern times. But as a man and a dad now, I find it interesting to learn about the journeys and times of those who lived in earlier eras.

I recently heard that in ancient Hebrew culture, the past and the future were “flipped.” They saw the past as “what is before us, what we can see” and the future as “what is behind us, what we don’t know and cannot see.” Pretty interesting perspective when you consider how this might have affected them as family units, as a people, and in their decision-making.

I know a pastor who visits his local cemetary just to reflect, pray, and read the gravestones. He says it really helps give perspective on how short and temporary life is in light of eternity.

A fellow dad has mentioned numerous times of the impact on him from meeting regularly with an old guy once a week for breakfast… just to gain the wisdom and perspective of this older man.

“You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For what is your life? You are like a thin mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” — James 4:14

Do you find yourself dwelling upon the future and projecting what it may hold for you? Or do you take advantage of opportunities to absorb history, knowledge of past generations — the lives, the experiences, the wisdom of those who have gone before us?

It helps bring perspective on life. And on fatherhood.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

I was invited to a pre-screening earlier this summer, and I can tell you it was a very emotionally “moving” experience for me to watch this movie.

Go see this movie. Seriously.

Take your wife, or go with a buddy or two. (But I don’t recommend bringing your children. With a law enforcement storyline, it includes violence and themes inappropriate for them.)

Without giving too much of the storyline away, the movie is about the lives of five dads, four of whom work together as police officers. Each dad comes from a different background and upbringing, which impacts their roles as fathers and how they handle issues of faith and family in the movie.

The movie is very fast-paced, full of action, and “what’s-gonna-happen-next?” moments.

You can watch the opening scene and trailer here–
http://www.courageousthemovie.com

To find a theater showing Courageous near you, go to http://www.courageousthemovie.com/theaterlist

Mark your calender. September 30. Go see this movie.

And let me know how it impacts you.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – I’d like to send you a resource called Courageous Living which includes inspiring quotes from the movie and excellent devotional messages for men on faith and family. We will mail it to you (in the US or Canada) with a donation of any amount to FamilyDads during the month of September.

PPS – Please contact FamilyDads if you recently signed up through the FamilyDads link for the training group I recommend called Inner Circle with Ryan Lee. I’d really like to help you implement this training and develop more time for your family.

In our family, it’s usually right when we’re ready to read Scripture, or about to head out the door to go somewhere when we hear our 2-year-old rather confidently proclaim, “I did pooh-pooh!”

Changing diapers is one of those really “practical” ways I try to help my wife. But I’ll confess, I do find it challenging to hold my tongue day after day and not gripe about this rather unpleasant task.

Sooner than I know, my 2-year-old son will be 6 years old and then 13 years old. And then he’ll be a dad himself one day.

Rather than grumble our way through those messy diapers and smelly wipes, we need to keep perspective by remembering that this too is part of life, it shall pass, and enjoy our kids while they are still young.

On the lighter side, if you have either already been through, or currently are in this stage of fatherhood, here is a video tribute for dads on the joys of changing diapers that is sure to bring a chuckle to you today–
http://familydads.com/blog/dads-changing-diapers/

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – If you signed up for Inner Circle, please contact us and let us know so we can notify you of our prayer support calls and also we want to send you our takeway notes from the weekly webinars. This week’s topic is on easy ways to get an ordinary blog to the top of Google – no matter how competitive the market is.

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Steve worked as a a graphic designer/art director for the past 15 years at a top notch firm in Seattle. He was blessed to work in a field that he enjoys and that always presented new challenges, working with tiny start-ups all the way to bigger national clients, doing projects like logos, posters, web sites, packaging, advertising, merchandising and even some video.

But there was a problem.

Steve’s job was VERY demanding, and he was tied to an office away from his family most of the week. His wife was feeling very isolated from her husband, raising the kids and running the home without his input or leadership much of the time. And their marriage wasn’t doing so well either.

Steve and I emailed back and forth about this.

After much prayer and discussion with his wife, Steve took a very courageous step. He gave notice to his employer that he would be leaving his very secure, well-paying job. This happened last year in 2010 by the way… not the rosiest of times in our economy.

I reconnected with Steve recently and asked him how things were going with his work, and more importantly his family.

Steve spent a short time freelancing after leaving his job. Then, an old client asked him to take a position at their company that is a leader in their industry.

Today Steve drives to an office very close to his home, is able to eat lunch with his family every day, enjoys 3-day weekends, and has much less work-related stress.

His marriage and his family are doing much better too. In Steve’s words, “God has really provided for our family in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. My connection with my wife has been better than it ever has in our 16 years of marriage. Wished I had acted sooner.”

That’s what keeps many of us dads from stepping up for our family. Fear of lack of provision. But Scripture tells us…

“Trust in YHUH with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all Your Ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” -Prov 3:5-6

We must trust our Heavenly Father for our provision — not our work. He will make our paths straight as we trust Him with all our hearts. That doesn’t mean we just quit a job we don’t like, but that we are led by Him and trust Him, rather than the false security of money.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey, a fellow Family Dad

PS – Last day today to save over 50% on the best coaching program I know for dads who want weekly training by a fellow dad who is highly skilled in many proven strategies for leveraging your time, working smarter, and generating more income. I am personally enrolled in this program and highly recommend it. Details

So if you are in either of these scenarios, or if you just want to learn practical business strategies and productivity skills from a highly experienced and successful business coach, I want to introduce you to a fellow dad I’ve subscribed to for a while who can help you. His name is Ryan Lee. He lives in Connecticut with his wife Janet and 4 young children.

Ryan is also a best-selling author, speaker, coach, and owner of a very financially successful business that generates 7 figures each month.

Yet Ryan runs most of his business from a local coffee shop with nothing more than a laptop, notebook, and pen to do a few hours of work each day and enjoys lots of time with his family.

Ryan has been featured on the cover of the Wall Street Journal and dozens of other major media outlets.

After college, Ryan worked at a children’s rehab hospital where he helped children with disabilities. He was greatly blessed working with these kids who touched his heart and taught him many valuable “life lessons,” and he went on to launch a fitness website that grew into a multi-million dollar business.

Ryan has just launched a new weekly coaching program that I believe can help a lot of dads and their families. I have personally signed up for this myself.

Ryan explains everything in this video here–
http://www.familydads.com/ryanlee.php

Like I said, I’ve not reached out to dads in this way until now, but I want to do more to help dads maximize family time, and I know that for many of us, our work is often what prevents us from spending more time with family.

If you signup for Ryan Lee’s Inner Circle new weekly coaching program through this link, contact me and let me know. I plan to host group conference calls with all who are part of this with me and we can help one another. I will also share the notes I take from each session with you. Also, in full disclosure, I receive a commission on signups through the link above (which helps me continue to host FamilyDads) but if that offends you, please don’t signup.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

More often than not, the answer I receive has to do with balancing family and work, stress, patience with their kids, and things like that.

However, one new subscriber recently shared one of his biggest challenges as a dad that I had never heard before. It really got me thinking, and I want to challenge you with it too.

He said one of his biggest challenges as a dad is:

“…not having my Dad around to ask advice, he went to be with the Lord 3 years ago.”

Whoa! That is pretty heavy.

I had several reactions when I read it.

First, I don’t want my sons to be in that position when they become dads one day. I want them to be able to come to me for advice and input when they need it. I want them to draw on my experience, insights, knowledge, and wisdom I’ve gained over the years.

Yes, we all will experience physical death at some point (unless our Messiah returns first!), but I want to be around as long as possible for my family. But unless I take personal responsibility for my health now by my choices in diet, exercise, sleep, and several other fitness factors, I’m not doing my part to make it happen.

Second, I reflected on my relationship with my own father. Do I take him too much for granted? How much longer will he be around? Am I taking advantage of his advice and experience? Is there anything I can do to help or encourage his health and longevity? How is our relationship?

And finally, I wondered about other young men who might be in a similar place without their earthly dad to go to for wisdom and advice as they walk this journey called fatherhood. Can FamilyDads do more to support these men? Are there any subscribers who would be interested in building relationships with fatherless sons like this guy?

Well, that’s a lot to think about. I hope it will do just that… get you thinking… about yourself, about your father, about other fatherless men, and about your own sons when they become dads and will need your advice and experience to draw on!

Feel free to contact FamilyDads with any ideas, suggestions, or input on any of these thoughts.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads

P.S. – FamilyDads Fitness is for dads who understand the importance of giving attention NOW to your health and fitness to avoid health problems later that would impact both you and your family. Learn more