3 thoughts quickly filled my mind.

30 years from now, my dad will be gone.

I will be at the same stage of life my dad is now.

And my oldest son will be my age — likely with a family of his own.

It begged several questions in my mind:

“What will it be like not having my dad around?”

“When I am his age looking back, will I be pleased with how my life turned out?”

“What am I doing to prepare my sons for their journey ahead as men, husbands, and fathers?”

Sure, they’re just kids now. And 30 years is a long time — or is it?

I believe it’s very healthy to contemplate the future. As leaders of our families, we dads must have vision. We must have plans to turn our vision into reality. And we must have perseverance and discipline to be consistent and proactive in leading our families.

Here’s an example to illustrate this.

One of my highest priorities for my children is that they have a strong knowledge and love of Scripture when they are adults. That’s part of my vision for them.

So we read Scripture together. As a family. Often. Each of our children (who are old enough to read) has their own copy of Scripture. We have “Scripture Reading Time” several times a week (my goal is daily.) We all sit together in our family room in a circle or around our dining room table. I start and we go around the room taking turns reading. I give commentary and we discuss what we read along the way. It’s a great way for them to build communication skills, but more importantly to discuss and absorb Scripture from their father. From their father – the one who was divinely given the greatest influence in their lives.

We’re also working on memorizing Scriptures together as a family, learning to hide it in our hearts (Psalm 119:11) and meditate upon it (Psalm 1:2).

This is just one example of how vision becomes reality, and I’d love to hear what visions you have for your family and what you are doing to see them come to pass. So please post your comments below, and let’s learn from one another.

And always remember…

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow let us go into this city and spend a year there, trade and make a profit.’ Whereas you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For what is your life? You are like a thin mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” -YA’acob 4:13-14 (called James in modern Bibles)

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
A fellow Family Dad

At about 5 feet off the ground at its highest point, this “rainbow tree” as we’ve named it makes a perfect athletic challenge for my kids who love to climb on it.

My eight-year-old son made his way to the highest part of the sideways trunk and proudly asked me…. “Dad, is this dangerous?”

Without hesitation, I *almost* replied… “No, not really. It’s not that high.”

But then, I had a slight impression to mentally probe a little deeper into the motive behind his question. What was he really asking me?

“Dad, am **I** dangerous?” “Dad, do I have what it takes to be a man?” “Dad, as my father, as the man I most look up to, respect, and admire at this stage of my life, do you affirm me?”

Before me was an opportunity to either casually ignore my son’s inquisition about his growth toward manhood, or to build him up in it.

“Yes, son. That IS dangerous. Be careful!” came out of my mouth instead.

And so, with a smile back at me, my son continued to conquer the sideways rainbow tree, beaming at the thought of how “dangerous” he was. In a good way.

Application for me as a dad: Always consider my words when interacting with my children. Never be flippant in my responses to them. Sometimes, probably more often than not, there is more “below the surface” to their questions. When giving answers, look for ways to affirm, validate, and communicate to my children that I love them deeply and respect them as individuals.

For daughters, the questions may come out more like… “Am I pretty?” “Can you spend time with me?” “Can we do something together?” For she is looking for affirmation from her father of both her outward AND inward beauty. And she wants to know that you treasure her and desire to pursue relationship with her.

And remember… this applies to our children at any age.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – One of the most impactful interviews I’ve ever heard on this topic of validating our sons and daughters as their fathers was this video interview with John Eldredge. It’s a MUST-WATCH!

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More often than not, the answer I receive has to do with balancing family and work, stress, patience with their kids, and things like that.

However, one new subscriber recently shared one of his biggest challenges as a dad that I had never heard before. It really got me thinking, and I want to challenge you with it too.

He said one of his biggest challenges as a dad is:

“…not having my Dad around to ask advice, he went to be with the Lord 3 years ago.”

Whoa! That is pretty heavy.

I had several reactions when I read it.

First, I don’t want my sons to be in that position when they become dads one day. I want them to be able to come to me for advice and input when they need it. I want them to draw on my experience, insights, knowledge, and wisdom I’ve gained over the years.

Yes, we all will experience physical death at some point (unless our Messiah returns first!), but I want to be around as long as possible for my family. But unless I take personal responsibility for my health now by my choices in diet, exercise, sleep, and several other fitness factors, I’m not doing my part to make it happen.

Second, I reflected on my relationship with my own father. Do I take him too much for granted? How much longer will he be around? Am I taking advantage of his advice and experience? Is there anything I can do to help or encourage his health and longevity? How is our relationship?

And finally, I wondered about other young men who might be in a similar place without their earthly dad to go to for wisdom and advice as they walk this journey called fatherhood. Can FamilyDads do more to support these men? Are there any subscribers who would be interested in building relationships with fatherless sons like this guy?

Well, that’s a lot to think about. I hope it will do just that… get you thinking… about yourself, about your father, about other fatherless men, and about your own sons when they become dads and will need your advice and experience to draw on!

Feel free to contact FamilyDads with any ideas, suggestions, or input on any of these thoughts.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads

P.S. – FamilyDads Fitness is for dads who understand the importance of giving attention NOW to your health and fitness to avoid health problems later that would impact both you and your family. Learn more

Did you hear these words from your dad when you were growing up? If your dad is still alive, do you hear them from him now as an adult?

If you have a son, do you say these words to him? Very often?

Do you ever proclaim these words publicly about your son where both he and other men hear you?

“I love you son. I’m proud of you.”

In the New Testament of the Bible, there are only 3 recorded instances where God audibly spoke from heaven. Did you know that 2 of these 3 instances are God the Father communicating this very message to His Son Jesus?

At Jesus’ baptism, a voice from heaven spoke audibly to those who were present saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17, Mark 1:11, Luke 3:22)

At the mount of transfiguration, God again spoke, this time from a cloud, saying “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased. Hear him.” (Matthew 17:5, Mark 9:7, Luke 9:35, 2 Peter 1:17-18)

These are incredibly powerful and affirming words that boys and men of all ages long to hear — need to hear — from their father. It was important for God the Father to communicate this on more than one occasion audibly to His Son Jesus and those who were present. It was important for Jesus to hear these words audibly from His Father.

Likewise, it is important that we fathers speak these words audibly to our sons.

“I love you son. I’m proud of you.”

It is so easy to do. Especially if this was modeled to us by our own father.

As men, we have a tendency to connect our identity with such things as our income, our career, our financial status, and our material possessions.

And so we work… and work… and work.

I once had a high-stress, high-responsibility job where my ongoing intention was to “make it up to my family” by spending time with them at night, on the weekends, and on vacations.

But I was often exhausted from long days at the office with its accompanying pressures and stress.

The result was that my family really didn’t get much of their dad — even when he was physically present.

Either I had to make changes, or else I would lose my family.

Children who don’t get time with their dad inevitably look to other people and ways to find meaning, identity, love, and validation. And slowly but surely, their hearts turn away from their dad — one day at a time.

The same is true for our wives.

This is a reality some dads never discover, or else not before significant relational damage is done.

Ultimately we have to ask ourselves: Which is more important, my work or my family?

Let me encourage you to always be very conscious of this temptation of providing FOR your family at the expense of time WITH them. You are irreplaceable to your family. They love you and need you — every day.

Remember — it is the little, daily choices we make that will make the difference.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

Practical Ways To Disciple Your Children
Parents are called and uniquely designed to disciple their children — not outsource this responsibility and priviledge to local churches or youth groups. Do you know the specific discipleship process Jesus used and how to apply it to your children? Learn More about Disciple Like Jesus For Parents

Have you been there? Are you there right now?

We are especially vulnerable during these times.

We are vulnerable to “messing up” with our children and our wife – doing harmful actions or speaking harmful words to them. We are too tired to give them what they need at the moment, or too tired to refrain from hurting them with our words or actions.

Instead we snap at them, wound them with our words or actions, or make a decision we would not have made if we weren’t tired.

During these times of fatigue, we are also vulnerable to our spiritual enemy.

At the beginning of Jesus’ ministry, he went out into the desert for 40 days of fasting and “outdoor life” alone.

At the end of these 40 days, the Bible says he was tired and hungry. It was at that time that satan strategically came and tempted him. (Matthew 4:1-11)

This is a strategy satan uses against us men — awaiting for us to become tired or lacking in resources to tempt us. I have found this strategy effective at times in my own life. Temptations and pressures to fail as a father and husband come when I am tired or in a season of lacking resources.

These two can go hand-in-hand too.

Be aware when you are tired or lack resources. Be especially on guard during these times.

The strategy of your spiritual opponent will be active against you. Remain alert and self-controlled, taking impure thoughts captive.

Pray. Guard your heart. Use wisdom.

Stay committed to God, yourself, and your family during these times.

You can do it, because… you have what it takes. You really do.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ~Philippians 4:13

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

A Bible Translation From The Language Jesus Spoke

Christians in the Eastern World have for centuries primarily read the Bible in Aramaic, the language that was spoken day-to-day during the lifetime of Jesus, his disciples, and the earliest Christians. Today, the most popular English translation of the Aramaic text is the Lamsa Bible on sale now at DadResources.com.

If you would like to see more videos from Joey at FamilyDads, please let us know by commenting below.

Sensing an opportunity to spend some quality one-on-one time with him, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me to see the moon and stars.

Bundling up in our coats and gloves, we ventured out into the cold, crisp night air with no agenda other than just to chat, walk, and take in the night sky together — which he loved.

As we walked, my son would talk about something and then ask “Right Dad?” to which I casually answered “uh-huh” not really considering his questions carefully. After this went on 3 or 4 times, it occurred to me that I might be saying “right” to something that may not have been right.

So I began listening to him more carefully.

The “Right Dad?” question must have come up at least ten more times during our walk. I wasn’t counting, but I began to notice that my son’s “Right Dad?” questions were really not so much about whether he was right or not about a certain thing, but more importantly…

He was wanting AFFIRMATION, VALIDATION, and ACCEPTANCE from the most powerful man in his life… his dad.

Basically, he was looking for my approval of him — that he was “valid” or “approved” or “accepted” by me.

In his booklet You Have What It Takes, best-selling author John Eldredge says every boy is asking the same basic question in his heart: Do I have what it takes? He wants to prove himself to his dad. He wants to impress him. He wants to be loved and accepted by his father. He is looking to his father for gender identity.

This is how God designed it. For us dads to bestow this upon our sons. No one on earth is more powerful in our sons lives than we are as their dads.

It’s something I need to be reminded of regularly. And maybe this little story will help remind you too… Right Dad?

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – It’s almost too late to get a Christmas Cross Light for your front yard or a To Bethlehem board game for your family to have fun together during the holidays. Also, we’ve listed some of our best-selling Christmas gift items that are on sale right now at DadResources.com.

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When he was 12, his parents separated. He moved to Oakland CA with his father until the age of 18.

Then he moved to Chicago to be near his mother.

He was briefly married, then ended that marriage and married another woman.

He was a crane operator for a steel company, played guitar in a band with his brother, and later returned to his “day job” when the band failed to get a record deal while his wife “tended to the children.”

He discovered his children had musical talent and began to manage their budding careers. As their success increased, he reportedly required his children to call him “Joseph” instead of “father” or “dad.”

Over the years, his children told stories to the media of their dad’s physical and emotional abusiveness to them.

Holding them upside down, tripping them, pushing them into walls, screaming, shouting, and frightening them are just some of the stories they relayed about their father.

One of his sons, Michael,  shared that he often cried from loneliness and would sometimes get sick or start to vomit upon seeing his father.

He recalled that his dad sat in a chair with a belt in his hand when he and his siblings rehearsed and that “if you didn’t do it the right way, he would tear you up, really get you.”

Who was this dad? He was Joseph Jackson, the father of the late pop music icon Michael Joseph Jackson.

As millions around the world have followed the recent story of Michael’s death in the news and media, it’s worth reflecting on how Michael’s life, behavior, and tragic death were impacted by the violent, abusive, wounded relationship he had with his father, again reminding us of the power of influence we fathers have in the lives of our children.

According to childhood friend Brooke Shields, Michael Jackson’s favorite song (not one of his own, by the way) was called “Smile” and included a line that said… ”Smile though your heart is aching.”

Life is short. Find healing from your own paternal past. Ask forgiveness where you’ve blown it with your children and spouse. And make the most of your influence in your family for good. Because, fellow dad, only you have “father power.”

Bio Source:

http://www.information.is-the-coolest.com/x/Joseph_Jackson.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Jackson

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Joey Watkins is a husband, father of four children, and founder of FamilyDads, a dad-founded and dad-focused organization committed to helping dads prioritize and lead their family. In a culture that minimizes fatherhood, dads need to know the tremendous influence they have in their sons’ and daughters’ lives and destinies, and they need encouragement from other dads as they lead their family. Sign up for the FamilyDads eNewsletter at http://www.FamilyDads.com

If you follow the news, you know I’m referring to South Carolina’s governor, Mark Sanford.

If that wasn’t enough, the event happened over Father’s Day.

Married to his wife Jenny for 20 years — yes twenty — Mark is yet another example of our vulnerability as men in the area of sexual temptation.

Last year, I wrote about then-governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, a husband and father of three daughters, who was publicly exposed for involvement with a woman who was not his wife.

These men’s appetites for sensual pleasure controlled their hearts to the point that it ultimately resulted in acting out their thoughts and fantasies for a brief episode of physical pleasure at the expense of their family.

They betrayed their wives… their children… their grand-children… and more.

This area of temptation probably trips up more dads than any other single issue. Why? Because it is so attractive, so alluring, so provocative, so accessible, and so seemingly easy to keep secret.

Dad, maybe you’re not governor of a state. It doesn’t matter. Whether or not you have public leadership obligations, know this…

Our families are DEPENDING on our loyalty.

Our wives are DEPENDING on our faithfulness.

Our children are DEPENDING on our integrity.

They need our loyalty, faithfulness, and integrity, whether they express it to us or not.

Unfaithful behavior has repercussions that are NOT limited to you alone. They touch many areas of your life… your relationship with God, your wife, your children, friends, co-workers, work productivity, leadership status, finances, and more.

If you struggle in this area of temptation and have not shared it with another man whom you trust for accountability, you need to take that first step.

Find another man or small group of men with whom you can meet regularly to expose your heart, your thoughts, and your actions. Someone you trust enough to share honestly with.

Use Internet accountability software to protect your marriage and setup your wife as your accountability partner to view your Internet viewing daily reports.

In this day and age of “anything goes” morals, we must be loyal to our family with our eyes, our thoughts, our actions… our hearts.

Remember this strategy each time you are tempted: “What I feed grows; what I starve dies.”

Let us also remember to pray for Mark and Jenny Sanford and their four boys during this time.

“Let not immorality be heard of among you.”  ~Ephesians 5:3

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

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