At about 5 feet off the ground at its highest point, this “rainbow tree” as we’ve named it makes a perfect athletic challenge for my kids who love to climb on it.

My eight-year-old son made his way to the highest part of the sideways trunk and proudly asked me…. “Dad, is this dangerous?”

Without hesitation, I *almost* replied… “No, not really. It’s not that high.”

But then, I had a slight impression to mentally probe a little deeper into the motive behind his question. What was he really asking me?

“Dad, am **I** dangerous?” “Dad, do I have what it takes to be a man?” “Dad, as my father, as the man I most look up to, respect, and admire at this stage of my life, do you affirm me?”

Before me was an opportunity to either casually ignore my son’s inquisition about his growth toward manhood, or to build him up in it.

“Yes, son. That IS dangerous. Be careful!” came out of my mouth instead.

And so, with a smile back at me, my son continued to conquer the sideways rainbow tree, beaming at the thought of how “dangerous” he was. In a good way.

Application for me as a dad: Always consider my words when interacting with my children. Never be flippant in my responses to them. Sometimes, probably more often than not, there is more “below the surface” to their questions. When giving answers, look for ways to affirm, validate, and communicate to my children that I love them deeply and respect them as individuals.

For daughters, the questions may come out more like… “Am I pretty?” “Can you spend time with me?” “Can we do something together?” For she is looking for affirmation from her father of both her outward AND inward beauty. And she wants to know that you treasure her and desire to pursue relationship with her.

And remember… this applies to our children at any age.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – One of the most impactful interviews I’ve ever heard on this topic of validating our sons and daughters as their fathers was this video interview with John Eldredge. It’s a MUST-WATCH!

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More often than not, the answer I receive has to do with balancing family and work, stress, patience with their kids, and things like that.

However, one new subscriber recently shared one of his biggest challenges as a dad that I had never heard before. It really got me thinking, and I want to challenge you with it too.

He said one of his biggest challenges as a dad is:

“…not having my Dad around to ask advice, he went to be with the Lord 3 years ago.”

Whoa! That is pretty heavy.

I had several reactions when I read it.

First, I don’t want my sons to be in that position when they become dads one day. I want them to be able to come to me for advice and input when they need it. I want them to draw on my experience, insights, knowledge, and wisdom I’ve gained over the years.

Yes, we all will experience physical death at some point (unless our Messiah returns first!), but I want to be around as long as possible for my family. But unless I take personal responsibility for my health now by my choices in diet, exercise, sleep, and several other fitness factors, I’m not doing my part to make it happen.

Second, I reflected on my relationship with my own father. Do I take him too much for granted? How much longer will he be around? Am I taking advantage of his advice and experience? Is there anything I can do to help or encourage his health and longevity? How is our relationship?

And finally, I wondered about other young men who might be in a similar place without their earthly dad to go to for wisdom and advice as they walk this journey called fatherhood. Can FamilyDads do more to support these men? Are there any subscribers who would be interested in building relationships with fatherless sons like this guy?

Well, that’s a lot to think about. I hope it will do just that… get you thinking… about yourself, about your father, about other fatherless men, and about your own sons when they become dads and will need your advice and experience to draw on!

Feel free to contact FamilyDads with any ideas, suggestions, or input on any of these thoughts.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads

P.S. – FamilyDads Fitness is for dads who understand the importance of giving attention NOW to your health and fitness to avoid health problems later that would impact both you and your family. Learn more

He was born at home early this morning (last night) at 12:14am local time, a very healthy beautiful baby who is already showing a rather peaceful disposition. Mom is doing super too. Best delivery we’ve had yet!

Quick story…

Neither my wife nor I had a boy’s name picked out. Even while my wife was in labor last night in our bedroom, we still did not have a single boy’s name “ready.”

At some point during the evening, I slipped into the family room and opened to a scripture passage I’ve read numerous times but felt led to read again. While reading, it mentioned the tribe of Ahsher (spelled “Asher” in most modern English translations.)

As I read, I sensed in my spirit that I was to use that name if we had a boy.

Ahsher was the name of one of Jacob’s twelve sons. His name is commonly interpreted to mean “happy” or “blessed” because that is how his mother felt when she had him.

But the full ancient Hebraic meaning is “Happiness is in YAH.” (Yah is short for YHWH, the personal name of our Heavenly Father used over 6,000 times in Scripture.)

The middle name “Boaz” is in reference to the husband of Ruth, the great-grandfather of King David. It means “by strength.”

Ahsher Boaz = “Happiness is in Yah, by strength”

Pretty cool how that happened just in time for his birth, without any “advance planning,” worrying, or input on my part or my wife’s.

Sometimes that’s how our Heavenly Father works. He doesn’t always tell us the details in advance — because we don’t need to know — but rather wants us to competely trust Him and not “sweat the details.”

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the counsel of YHWH that stands.” -Prov 19:21

He always knows what He’s doing, and we can truly find our happiness in Him, by strength.

After an almost “all-nighter” home birth, this tired but excited dad is ready for some sleep now!

PS – Here is my favorite macho dad video that is sure to give you a few laughs if you’ve ever had the joy of changing baby diapers. I first posted this video when my fourth child was born two years ago. I still crack up every time I watch it.

Did you hear these words from your dad when you were growing up? If your dad is still alive, do you hear them from him now as an adult?

If you have a son, do you say these words to him? Very often?

Do you ever proclaim these words publicly about your son where both he and other men hear you?

“I love you son. I’m proud of you.”

In the New Testament of the Bible, there are only 3 recorded instances where God audibly spoke from heaven. Did you know that 2 of these 3 instances are God the Father communicating this very message to His Son Jesus?

At Jesus’ baptism, a voice from heaven spoke audibly to those who were present saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17, Mark 1:11, Luke 3:22)

At the mount of transfiguration, God again spoke, this time from a cloud, saying “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased. Hear him.” (Matthew 17:5, Mark 9:7, Luke 9:35, 2 Peter 1:17-18)

These are incredibly powerful and affirming words that boys and men of all ages long to hear — need to hear — from their father. It was important for God the Father to communicate this on more than one occasion audibly to His Son Jesus and those who were present. It was important for Jesus to hear these words audibly from His Father.

Likewise, it is important that we fathers speak these words audibly to our sons.

“I love you son. I’m proud of you.”

The dad works a graveyard shift — 11pm to 6am — so that he can accommodate his son’s schedule.

But that’s not all.

As you will see in the video, this dad gives us a wonderful example — perhaps more extreme than mine or yours — about what it truly means to prioritize our family, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. It involves sacrifice, denying self of comfort and “status quo,” but also much joy and greater blessing than we can imagine.

Sensing an opportunity to spend some quality one-on-one time with him, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me to see the moon and stars.

Bundling up in our coats and gloves, we ventured out into the cold, crisp night air with no agenda other than just to chat, walk, and take in the night sky together — which he loved.

As we walked, my son would talk about something and then ask “Right Dad?” to which I casually answered “uh-huh” not really considering his questions carefully. After this went on 3 or 4 times, it occurred to me that I might be saying “right” to something that may not have been right.

So I began listening to him more carefully.

The “Right Dad?” question must have come up at least ten more times during our walk. I wasn’t counting, but I began to notice that my son’s “Right Dad?” questions were really not so much about whether he was right or not about a certain thing, but more importantly…

He was wanting AFFIRMATION, VALIDATION, and ACCEPTANCE from the most powerful man in his life… his dad.

Basically, he was looking for my approval of him — that he was “valid” or “approved” or “accepted” by me.

In his booklet You Have What It Takes, best-selling author John Eldredge says every boy is asking the same basic question in his heart: Do I have what it takes? He wants to prove himself to his dad. He wants to impress him. He wants to be loved and accepted by his father. He is looking to his father for gender identity.

This is how God designed it. For us dads to bestow this upon our sons. No one on earth is more powerful in our sons lives than we are as their dads.

It’s something I need to be reminded of regularly. And maybe this little story will help remind you too… Right Dad?

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – It’s almost too late to get a Christmas Cross Light for your front yard or a To Bethlehem board game for your family to have fun together during the holidays. Also, we’ve listed some of our best-selling Christmas gift items that are on sale right now at DadResources.com.

One son was divorced. The other son was getting ready to file for a divorce.

The parents had never liked their son’s wife and had tried everything they could to split the marriage and find him another wife.

The sons and the father had a broken relationship. It was so bad, if either son even saw him in a store, they walked down another aisle to avoid him.

There was much bitterness and hatred.

Yet this was a father who was very involved in church, even in prominent leadership roles.

The father attended an event where he heard about God’s promise and provision to fathers, God’s blueprint for the family, and the Biblical role of the father.

God turned the heart of this father in a very significant way… toward his sons, toward his family.

He was so convicted about his failure as a father, he asked himself…

“Is it too late? I’ve already done my child rearing. My children are adults now.”

He wrote 12 letters to his sons. Letters of repentance…

“Would you please forgive me for not being the father to you I should have been?”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to do anything with you?”

“I didn’t know how to call you out as sons?”

“I want to minister to you now.”

“I want to be the father to you that God intended me to be.”

As the father did that, and his heart was turned toward his children, God turned the hearts of his children to him.

The first son turned his heart to God for the first time, came to his father, and began to confess to him things he had done wrong.

The 2nd son, on the very day of filing divorce papers, after listening to the teachings from the event the father attended, was so convicted that he confessed his own sins and turned his heart to seek God.

His wife said when he walked in the door, she immediately knew something had changed his life. She said “I want that” and came with him to his parents for counseling! The parents confessed to the daughter-in-law how they had not loved her and all the things they done against her.

The dad sent the teaching messages to his daughter. Her husband listened.

The daughter said it completely changed his heart and turned his heart toward his family.

God healed this family!

It is a testimony of God’s promise to broken families:

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD; And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers…” ~Malachi 4:5-6

God keeps His word.  He  will turn the hearts of a family back to the fathers when the heart of the father is turned to the children.

Norm Wakefield will be sharing this teaching at the Dad Summit, the first-of-its-kind LIVE webinar event for dads. It starts this Sunday night at 9pm Eastern. There is still time to save $15 on Advance Registration.

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

- The two fundamental questions every little boy is asking his dad

- The two core needs of every daughter that her daddy can meet

- Healing from the wounds we received from our own father

- The power a father has in the lives of his children

- God wants to be our father

- How to build true masculinity in your son

- The stages of a man’s life as illustrated by men in scripture

John is a New York Times best-selling author, speaker, and counselor. He is well-known for his popular books Wild At Heart, Way of The Wild Heart, and You Have What It Takes.

     

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