NO, not Super Bowl Sunday… the one after that.

Valentines DAY!

Got plans for the big day of romance with your special woman?

I personally don’t like the idea of focusing just one day out of the year on romancing our wives. It should be something we family dads naturally WANT to do on a very regular basis.

But the busy-ness of work, family, and every other demand on our time and energy can sometimes drag us into a “rut” or take the edge off our romantic creativity and planning.

So here are some ideas I came up with to help you express your love to her if you need a little help. But the important thing is to communicate to our wives, in our own unique way, just how important she is to us, how much we love her, and that we enjoy, desire, and cherish her.

1) Go for a leisurely drive in the countryside and just talk and enjoy the scenery together. Pack a picnic lunch or early dinner and look for a spot to share the meal together. (Hint: don’t have her prepare all the food for the picnic.)

2) Send all the kids downstairs to watch a movie, and then go for a long walk, hand-in-hand, with your gal, sharing with each other whatever she would like to talk about.

3) Write love notes to her and put them in all the places she will be that day… the nightstand, the sock drawer, the bathroom mirror, the fridge, her seat in the car (or minivan), and so on.

4) Organize something fun with your kids so that all of you can express your love for mom together. Let your children give input until you come up with something fun and meaningful together.

5) Have an extended time of praying together alone with your wife. Perhaps at the beginning of the day. Pray for your marriage, your children, your finances, your future, other people, and anything else God leads you to pray about. Let this time be unhurried and Spirit-led — not a laundry list to pray through.

6) Read a great marriage book together out loud, or at least several chapters, such as Love & War by John and Stasi Eldredge, Two Fleas and No Dog by Craig Hill, or Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

7) Forbid your wife to enter the kitchen all day long, and do all the dishes yourself or with your children helping.

If you’re really courageous, take some time to ask her what you can do to make your marriage better and then listen, carefully and undefensively, to what she tells you. Be sensitive not to get into a verbal fight over this! Don’t try to defend yourself but allow this time to be constructive for your marriage.

9) Do the “get-the-kids-to-bed” routine yourself while your wife takes a relaxing bubble bath accompanied by her favorite music.

10) End the night by candlelight and some physical romance. No commentary needed!

Since our wives are incredibly valuable and meaningful to us, let’s take advantage of this opportunity to intentionally and proactively express our deep love for them this Valentines Day.

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

Improving Your Marriage

Books don’t transform marriages, but the stories and insights of well-written books on marriage can open up the heart of the reader. And the heart is where change takes place. While there are many excellent marriage resources on the market, I personally recommend several books for us family dads to read. To see which ones they are, check out the marriage category at DadResources.com.

“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” 1 Peter 3:7

Now, I used to think that meant we were to understand our wives — know how they think and respond appropriately with our actions. But after twelve years of marriage, let me share with you a story that illustrates rather vividly why “understanding our wives” cannot possibly be the correct interpretation of this verse.

It had been a long night. We didn’t get to bed until after midnight, and then our six-month old awoke around 1am hungry. About every 2 hours thereafter, my wife arose from her sleep to nurse him. She didn’t get much sleep that night.

The next day was our weekly grocery shopping day which we do together as a family. The entire process takes up almost half our day.

By about 5pm that day, my wife told me that she really needed to take a nap and asked if I could hold our fussy baby so she could sleep. Being the sensitive, loving guy that I am, I said “sure!” and took him from her while I finished up checking my email and a few other online tasks for the day.

That’s when I had a brilliant idea… or so I thought!

I proceeded to quietly load up our four kids in the car and took them all out — away from the house — so my wife could get a nice long quiet nap in. I even wrote her a note telling her of my actions and to call me when she woke up.

What a considerate guy! So far so good, right??!

Wrong!  I returned home about 2 hours later to a note that informed me my wife had spent much of the time of our absence in frustration and tears. HUH???

I won’t try to explain, but let’s just stay I was in a “no-win” situation. Had I stayed home with the kids, they would have inevitably prevented her from the nap she so desperately needed. And she would have not been happy. But by taking them out and leaving for a while, she cried because she missed her family and wanted to be with us.

In the end, no harm was done and we all enjoyed family dinner together and a good end to the day.

But I gotta tell you… from one dad to another — “Don’t try to figure your wife out!”

Yes, love her. Yes, be kind and considerate to her. Yes, give her your time, your ear, your muscles, your attention, your affection, and more.

But live with your wife with this understanding: you don’t really have her “figured out,” especially if you think you do.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – I Peter 3:7 is really an excellent verse for us husbands; but the point of this email was to share my story and debunk a common myth. In a different email, we’ll explore what this verse is really teaching.

P.P.S. – Need help with your marriage? Check out the marriage category at DadResources.com

This music video by Johnny Diaz is a creative, light-hearted, and powerful reminder to ladies of all ages that the age-old message “beauty is only skin deep” is indeed a false one. And a reminder to us dads to remember to continually remind our daughters and our wives through our words and actions that “there could never be a more beautiful you”… for true beauty lies within the heart.